So, after I confided in a mutual friend that I believe I've figured out why my former friends are unable to apologize to me, she confided something in me. See, I believe the two sisters are both suffering from psychopathia, or at the very least, are sociopaths. The diagnosis mostly fits them both, though admittedly, it presents in different ways in the two of them. Apparently, according to our friend, the two of them had reached the same consensus about me. I couldn't help but laugh, but I decided to compare myself against the symptoms exhibited by psychopaths to further illustrate my points.

1. Deception. Really? I've always been honest, perhaps to a fault. Admittedly, I'm as prone as anyone tell a "little white lie" to save someone's feelings, but I'm painfully honest and open about everything. One need only consult my blogs, my twitter, or any of the numerous other ways I express myself to realize that I'm about as open as it gets. And it's not just online. I can't count the number of times I've been at work, and a boss or co-worker has been annoyed about something that was done wrong and I've said "I did that. I'm sorry" to prevent someone else getting the blame. If my parents ask me something, I'm point blank about what I did, what I'm going to do, etc. Clearly, this symptom doesn't fit me.

2. Egocentricity. Again, really? I'm well known for my self-deprecating sense of humor. I'm selfless to a fault, constantly buying gifts or giving my time to others, even when I don't have money. One Christmas, I was low on funds, so I asked my father for the money that would've bought my gifts and used it to buy for my friends and family. If someone is selling something or just asks for money, if I have it, I give it to them.That's just how I am, and how I've always been. If this is selfish or egocentric in any way, I can hardly figure out how. I am confident in my abilities in some things, but I think that's true of anyone.

3. Impulsiveness, irresponsibility, lack of foresight. I've been out of work for a year and a half. I've applied to every job I was capable of performing. I took the first one I was offered. I have intended to go back to school, and while I'm not employed is about the best time I can think of to go, but I haven't gone back, even though I was accepted at three different schools. The reason I haven't gone back? I don't want to make the wrong decision. I'm so afraid of going back to school and putting even more time and money into a degree that I'll later realize I won't enjoy, that I've stalled going back, taking any job I could so that I could have more time to make a decision. I've prayed, read, researched payscales, and prayed some more, trying to develop a clear insight of what I really wanted to do with my life. Have I EVER done anything impulsive? Of course. Who hasn't? But on the whole, I've been a planner my whole life. I plan vacations, I make budgets, I have an entire file on my computer devoted to my future wedding. I fail to see how any of this demonstrates impulsivity.

Wikipedia has three checklists. Two of them are nearly identical, so I'll only use the more detailed one for further analysis.

Factor 1

Aggressive narcissism

1. Glibness/superficial charm - I'm never glib. If I can't sincerely say something, I don't say it. To me, this goes back to lying.
   
2. Grandiose sense of self-worth- See above. A person with a "grandiose sense of self worth" hardly suffers from chronic depression.
   
3. Pathological lying- Again, see above. I'm about as honest as it gets.
   
4. Cunning/manipulative- I rarely get my way. I'd think if I were very cunning or manipulative, I'd be a lot better at that.
   
5. Lack of remorse or guilt- When I've actually done something wrong, I'm very quick. to apologize. See the instance above about coworkers. If I do something wrong to a friend or family member, I frequently feel so bad I cry, then go out of my way to make it up to them.
   
6. Callous/lack of empathy- Hardly. People constantly tell me their problems. The two sisters have done this so much in the past, I could easily recite their life stories. I assume this is because they realize I can really understand and feel what they're going through, and as such, sympathize. If I wasn't so good at that, I hardly think I'd have become involved in so many people's lives. I also cry at the drop of a hat. I'm a very emotional person, and I always have been. The fact that I am still angry at the two of them after all this time should pretty much make that clear. Psychopaths don't care. If I didn't care, it wouldn't still bother me so much.
   
7. Failure to accept responsibility for own actions- Again, this sort of goes with lying and lack of remorse. When the younger sister and I had the argument that started this, I was the first to apologize, almost immediately. And in spite of the fact that she refused to do so. Again, please explain how this constitutes a failure to accept responsibility.

Factor 2

Socially deviant lifestyle

1. Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom- I spent nearly a year at home with nothing but dial-up internet and some books. I kept myself entertained pretty damned well.
   
2. Parasitic lifestyle- I have no idea how this could in any way apply to me. My parents pay for my cell phone bill and car insurance. I buy all my gas, most of the groceries for the whole household, all my clothes and meals out or any other form of entertainment. As soon as I am able to get a stable, decent-paying job (and again, I apply for every single job I can find. I don't think anyone who lived here would argue that my inability to find a job has more to do with the economy than me enjoying leaching off my parents), I intend to move out and take over my own bills.
   
3. Promiscuous sexual behavior- HAHAHA. I'm nearly 29 years old, and I'm virgin. And by virgin, I mean I have done absolutely nothing sexual whatsoever. At all.
   
4. Lack of realistic, long-term goals- I want to get a job so I can afford to get a degree. I want to obtain a degree in which I can find a decent paying job short-term (most likely in education) until I can realize my long term goal of getting a PhD in creative writing. I eventually want to move to North Georgia. I'd also like to meet a decent, kind and intelligent man and get married.
   
5. Impulsiveness- Already discussed
   
6. Irresponsibility- Again, already discussed
   
7. Juvenile delinquency- I was a model student. I was even an honor student. I have never stolen, hurt anyone, or been in any sort of criminal trouble at all. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I've never touched a drug. I'm about as straight laced as it gets.
   
8. Early behavioral problems- See above.

Traits not correlated with either factor

1. Many short-term marital relationships- Never been married, don't even date people long if I don't see the relationship going anywhere.
   
2. Criminal versatility- There's nothing whatsoever criminal about me.

The symptoms of sociopathy are essentially the same, though there's the added caveat of potential to be violent. If I were a violent person, I'd have already bitch slapped both of them, so I think that in and of itself is proof that I'm not.

In my next post, I will describe how all these traits do, in fact, apply to the sisters, but for now, I have other things to do.